Saturday 6 March 2010

Wholly Exceptional Circumstances in County Antrim

Desgusten'.
Ah suppose Ah'm that fealin ye get
When youe smell gone oaf melk

O' Mother a' mercy, Goad help me
toue fat toue go t' prison
toue fat toue be judged

Whaire's Goad?

Whaire's Goad t' help me?
Whaire's the red hand of Ulster?
Saive me from the Antrim croun court

Oh Goad, our Lord
When ah wheeled in there, in toue be judged
Elder counsel, reduced toue sinner

The prosecution, geave a sermon
This Man Is A Monster, Unfit For Society
David Smythe, Judge.

Since The Court Now Finds These
Wholly Exceptional Circumstances
McConaghy, Your Sentence Is Suspended


Since It Is Apparent That
You Are Considered Clinically Obese
You Are Hereby Deemed Unfit For Prison

Thank Goad. Thank youe Goad fer this chance
Thank youe fer these ulcerated leags
I'll doue no harm again

A proddy bastard, spat the Catholics
They're all the seame
All fuckin' kiddey feddlers
Up the IRA and all eh?

Ah was never stopped, that's why ah kept goin'
though by the eand she was scratchin' my feace
That's whean et petered out, as she sead.

Ah'm sixtey six. Et was years ago
She's fourtey fower noue
old enough toue leave et toue Goad surely?

Our father, whou art in heaven
Hallowed be thy neame
Forgive me

Oh, like youe know
Like youe know what et's like
bein' a priest your whole life
Ah've faithe, what've youe?

She was the foule temptaition of man
She corrupted me
Woman is the root of all sin

Forgive me my trespasses
Lead me not into temptaition
Deliver me from evil

let thease Ulsterated leags carrey me
Sixty seven steps at least
Towards a path of penitence

What've youe?
Ah've faith
Desgusten faith.

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